October 8, 2016 by breanneeck
Hi my name is Breanne and I am the poster child for class! Haha, just kidding. Have you ever heard the saying “you can dress her up but you can’t take her out?” Yea, well that is really what my life is about. I drink out of the bottle, curse, eat WAY TOO MUCH and love to walk around with no pants on! One day, I was on my way to an open house (where I was told there would be plenty of food) and just HAD to have a McDonald’s cheeseburger on my way! I ate while driving and ended up with Big Mac sauce down the front of my shirt, in my hair and down my back! Don’t even ask.
Growing up I always knew I didn’t have a “normal” sense of humor. I would always make jokes about difficult situations, had absolutely no shame and eventually, the vocabulary of a truck driver. It’s hard to get people to take you seriously in almost every situation when you’re blond, look like you’re 12 and every other word you say is fuck.
She’s got her daddy’s tongue and temper, sometimes her mouth could use a filter, God shook his head the day he built her, oh, but i bet he smiled
It’s hard being around new people; you don’t know if they will accept the F bomb being thrown around or if they’re going to be looking at you, jaw dropped, wide eyed and disgusted. It’s hard in the workplace when you really want to tell your boss to fuck off but you have to smile, nod and mumble under your breath instead. It’s especially hard being around children. Being a woman who hasn’t popped a child out of her vagina; I sometimes forget that the little ears shouldn’t hear certain words. Have you ever found yourself mid rant only to turn around and see a little boy looking at you in complete shock? Embarrassing!
And a temper? Yup, I have one of those! Have you ever cursed off a co worker for snapping her gum in your face while you two were talking? I have. Have you ever had a screaming match with your significant other because there were dirty clothes in every room instead of the hamper? I have. Sometimes I may flip out over nothing, but I swear, most of the time, I honestly believe it’s warranted.
Dieting? Yea, that works! I eat salads for a few days, drink nothing but lemon water and then stuff my face with 711 taquitos the second I catch a buzz. There was one time I lost a lot of weight (35 pounds to be exact!) but it was only because I had a gym-hungry ex on my ass every second of the day. It worked though! Just haven’t been able to do it since.
Sometimes I wonder how I ever made it through things like first dates and interviews. It’s so hard for me to talk passionately about something without letting a few “bad words” slip out! People will always ask me why I curse when I’m telling a happy story … Why? “because it adds fucking flavor to my sentence.”
Don’t even get me started about normal bodily functions that some people just can’t seem to handle. I’m sorry but if you don’t poop, you’ll die; and if you don’t fart, you’re just lying! I never understood why this was always such a “hush hush” subject. I remember being in high school and people would get made fun of for farting like they did something wrong. I’m 28 years old and a fart doesn’t slip by that I won’t laugh at.
So how do you get people to take you seriously? My best advice is (something I am still working on!) … There is a time and a place for everything! Know when it’s NOT okay to start going off like an angry Italian gangster (work meetings – probably not a good place!) and know when it’s okay to (family gatherings, go for it!).
So there you have it! There’s a little more insight into my head. While it may appear sometimes that I have it all together, and sometimes I fell like I actually do, I don’t. I’m very passionate and that can both be good and bad. When I love you, I love you with everything I have and when I’m angry, I fight with even more.
*Feature image was taken from Google